


The pride we once held

by Chizuriyoshida



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Good guy Shen, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Zed actually cares? lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-13 13:43:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14749967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chizuriyoshida/pseuds/Chizuriyoshida
Summary: This story is a re-write of Loyal to no other, which was my first fanfiction.Kayn, the Shadow Reaper, longs for Zed's praise, a sign of recognision as he believed him self to be worthy of his master, no, worthy of the order its self as the Blade of Millennia was claimed by his hands alone, will he concur it or will he fall into the shadows as those before him.





	1. Pride and honour

**Author's Note:**

> Please love me <3 this is a re-write and don't worry, i know it bad <3

Kayn was not always strong, feared and powerful, he used to be weak and powerless until the shadows consumed his entire being, now he portrayed, a merciless, unforgiving, ruthless monster just like his master. 

They dare not to fight against him, this is why Kayn had become the so called _Favorite _but even so, there was one thing he was always disgraced for, his face, it always gleamed with pride, anytime he received special missions from the master or bested someone in battle, most of the order just stared, their eyes filled with a putrid hatred and jealousy that never seemed to fade as the youth walked, prideful with his scythe in hand.__

__Zed had never been one to favour people, however Kayn was different, talented with a weapon, no doubt, unafraid of everything and anything that may find its self in his path, yet Zed couldn't bring himself to praise the youth, orders were the only thing given to Kayn, nothing else, not a word of praise, although he still accepted missions as a form of praise in away.__

__Missions for Kayn were like challenges, the faster you finish, the higher your praise would be, maybe that of a verbal praise like "nice work" or "good job" or maybe even a private lesson from his master, even though this was unlikely, Kayn's pride still painted his face._ _

__Kayn's movements around the order, fluent like water, seeping in and out of the shadows, passing through the halls, finding Zed's headquarters._ _

__"Enter" Zed ordered, Kayn obliged as he seeped through the wall before landing silently on the wooden floor of Zed's sacred temple, the blood of Kusho still remained were Zed sat "I have fulfilled my duty Master" Kayn said as he knelt before Zed placing the darkin scythe on the ground before him._ _

__"Di.." Zed started, however Kayn cut him off "There were no unwanted _casualties _" Kayn assured, Zed nodded, but did not grace Kayn with a reply, Kayn had exceeded his expectation once again, this annoyed him in a way.____

___Kayn's performance was flawless, never a witness left nor evidence of what he had done, he was a silent killer who had mastered the art of killing at a young age, his performance never had a mistake in it, yet Zed was waiting, waiting for that one mistake, for a sign of weakness, something to prove Kayn wasn't his equal, he feared that once Kayn realized he no longer had need for him he would not be able to control him, after all it's in Kayn's blood, the blood of a Noxian, a warrior, still lived within Kayn, Zed feared this blood, this force he can't control, and yet Kayn has never opposed ._ _ _

___"Master, may I take my leave" Kayn sudden words snapped Zed out of his state of deep thought "Close the door behind you" Kayn laughed, as he walked through the wall, Kayn has no need for doors as long as he has the darkin scythe at bay._ _ _

__

__Dawn was Kayn's domain, not quite sun light, yet not quite as dark as dusk, Kayn practiced outside everyday, fixing his broken techniques, mending what shouldn't be fixed, his movements were much more powerful then Zed had recognized, Kayn knew Zed refused to see him as equal he would have to prove it.__

__The Morning sun, Kayn was always the first one to see it, Kayn never really was the kind to sleep._ _

__-Pitiful- Rhaast mocked from within the scythe._ _

__-Your words mean nothing _Darkin _\- Kayn growled as he continued his practice____

____

___-Mine don't but Zeds, they do- Rhast could sense the irritation provided by his words._ _ _

___-Silence! I will not tolerate this from _you _\- Rhaast could feel the anger in Kayn's words_____

__  
-Foolish child-._ _

___Zed sat on his chair watching the order he raised flood with conversations, interactions and friendships, a rather disgraceful sight.___

___-Disgusting- Zed's mind hissed at the pathetic place he called the _shadow order _.___ _ _

___"Settle down" Zed said raising his voice, all eyes shot in his direction, all but Kayn's, Zed's eye were fixed on Kayn until the youth looked around realizing he wasn't paying attention.___

___"You're a disgrace" Zed continued, his voice coated with a thick venom. "You have no right to wear the uniform of this order, those who cannot fight bring shame upon us, after all the years of training this is the best you can do?" the venom in his voice seeped into the orders mind, however Kayn was not fazed by his words, instead he felt as if this was a challenge, to prove himself worthy of the order worthy, of his master._ _ _

___Kayn wasted little time on his meal before returning to his training, he had to get stronger, he had to be his equal, he had to._ _ _

____

___Zed sat in the center of his bedroom, Kayn ran through his mind._ _ _

___-He's a threat, he cannot be controlled- Zed thought to himself._ _ _

___-Flawless killing, no fear, hes a true warrior-._ _ _

___-No! he needs to remain a child to you-._ _ _

___-He's out grown the title of child, even you must know that-._ _ _

-Yes, I know but even he must have a weakness-.

-Everyone does, including you, you're afrai...-.

- **Silence **-.****

-To be afraid is to be weak- Zed hissed to himself this time.

-Then _we're _weak-._  
_

___Kayn had to have some kind of flaw, a weakness, something._ _ _

___Zed spent hours thinking before Kayn had need of him, conflicted, Zed wasn't sure weather to address Kayn._ _ _

___"Master, I need your guidance" their was promise in the youths voice_ _ _

___"Enter" the words, a simple command, always to be obeyed._ _ _

Kayn bowed his head once in front of his master.

"I have a lead on this gold _Demon _you search for" Kayn's head still remain out of sight as he bowed even lower as if Zed were a god of some sort.__

"This is no task for you Kayn but thank you" Thank you, a rare praise but Kayn knew why Zed said it.

"I accept your gratitude Master, however I am no longer a child, let me help you" Zed's eyes meet Kayn's, he could tell Kayn was being serious. 

"Soon you may" Zed replied.

"You are not ready yet" those words from Zed, his master, stripped him of his pride. 

"You underestimate my power" Kayn hissed back coldly. 

"You are only a boy, not a weapon, do you know what he could do to you?" For the first time in years Zed voiced his anxiety as fear for Kayn's life. 

"But mast...".

" **Enough **"****

Kayn knew better to test Zed's patience. 

"Have it your way" Kayn said, obviously angered by Zed's depiction of him, a child, not a man. 

__

____Kayn just laid there, pain striking his heart, his corrupted hand searching for the Darkin scythe that would surely mock him.__ _ _

___-You are nothing but a child in his eyes- even though Kayn knew this, it still pained him to hear it from another's mouth._ _ _

___-Shut it-._ _ _

___-Angry? upset? because he wont accept you? or is it something _else _-.___ _ _

___- **Get out of my head! **-****___

Kayn screamed as Rhast clawed at the youths private thoughts, dragging them to the surface of his mind.

-Had enough?- the Darkin taunted as shattered pictures of his darkest dreams rose to vision. 

- **STOP **-****

 ** ******The youth pleaded.

-You can't fight me Kayn or it- 

Zed sat in the middle of the floor in his sacred temple, the blood of his master still smelt fresh beneath him, even in the incense lit air which should have drowned out the metallic smell of blood but it didn't, forcing him to suffer through the guilt. 

He had never seen a look like that on the likes of his brother, widened eyes, filled with betrayal as Kusho's body laid there, lifelessly . 

"You will never redeem yourself, Zed" the echo of Shen's voice resonated in his head even now. 

"You will walk the dark path alone". 

"Run away from the light, that's all you can do now". 

"You have no one" Zed let out a sharp gasp as the memories flooded his mind. 

"I wa..." Words failed him 

"A coward? weak? What!?" Zed knew he could never truly understand the pain his brother went through on that day, all because of that _Demon _.__

____

Both student and teacher, haunted by something within the depths of their minds, one begged for mercy the other for forgiveness, however unlikely forgiveness might be.

Corruption crept up the youth even in his sleep, the long for something preyed upon him, love. 

Unbearable pain filled his chest, filtering his dreams into cruel nightmares. 

His breath became heavy as a small whimper was released from the youths throat, crying, he could hear it, even from within the darkness, its a child, abandoned, alone, in the dark. 

"You must be scared" he said, holding his hand out to the small child. 

A red broken figure immerged from the dark slashing him down, in front of the child, the child!. 

"No!" Kayn screamed his hand flying forward, reaching for the child. 

-Please god's have mercy-His hand desperately clawing at the redish figure. 

His vision stirred, he was passing out. 

"No, Please" he choked. 

A shadow wrapped around the child, consuming it, no, him. 

The shadow reaper laid on his bed, his head in disarray, the dream felt so familiar, so real, he was holding back tears as he curled into his blakents, looking for comfort away from the shadows that surrounded him. 

-Poor lost child- Rhaast called softly. 

-Let me take the pain away-. 

An offer Kayn knew was a lie.

-You can't take away my pain, no one can-. 

Rhast snarled -Sooner or later he will know Kayn and only then will you realize _real _pain- the Darkin hissed before going dormate within the scyth.__


	2. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kayn and Zed, both haunted by the shadows of there pasts, come into conflict when faced against each other, one desperate for love the other desperate for dominance and power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this in school, I hope you like it.

Shadow reaper, a name that Kayn lived by, earning it by slaying anything in his path.

The name its self, shadow reaper was reserved for only the best of killers the most silent of killers and Kayn, he really was silent.

The people in the town dared not speak the name, however if it did occur it was a spoken whisper of the silent killer.

The child is go the killer remains, the meaning of this sentence was dare to Kayn about how Zed had taken everything from his a child and snuffed out the child making him a merciless killer.

The order fell silent, bodies of intruders, laid there, lifeless, slashes across their stomach's and necks, the reaper had got to them.

Nothing but hushed whisper s made there way to the reaper.

Kayn was never afraid, this fact alone annoyed Zed, the pride on Kayns face, the way he cuts down his victims, everything just seemed so easy to him.

"Kayn, was this your doing?" The master of shadows asked.

Kayn scoffed "Who else in this order is capable of doing that?" Obviously humored at the idea of some else being capable.

"No, it doesn't hurt to ask tho" Zed retorted.

Kayn merely rolled his eyes "If that's all you came for master be on your way" he said pointing to the door.

Zed obliged, leaving the youths room.

-He's getting stronger, is that really a good thing?- Zed questioned himself.

-Of course it is, isn't it?- that thought felt like a lie.

-He's too strong- Zed knew this was true.

\- I can control him-.

-No you can't, no one can-.

Zed thought of the different ways he could contain the youth yet nothing he came up with would work, even abusing wasn't enough, Zed could break Kayns bones but it meant nothing, Kayn always came back and always obeyed him.

Zed couldn't understand why Kayn never questioned anything, he was as loyal as a dog but just how loyal.

If ordered to kill, Kayn would do it, if ordered to track, no questions were asked, if asked to bow, he would do so with grace and if asked to lead, he would stand and he would be the best leader Zed had ever seen. 

Zed decided it was time to talk to Kayn. 

Zed normally wasn't the type to knock and ask for Kayns availability, however this time was different, this was on a personal level. 

"Have I done something wrong master?" Kayn asked, letting Zed into his room, the youth had just finished his laundry. 

"No, I just have something we need to talk about" hearing the word _we _from Zed's mouth was very unexpected.__

__"I'm listening" Kayn said, taking a seat on his neatly made bed._ _

__"What is your goal for being in this order? Is it to surpassed me, kill me or something else?" Kayn already didn't like were this was going._ _

__"My goals are _my _goals" Kayn was afraid of what would happen if Zed knew the truth.___ _

___"Kayn, this is important" Zeds voice was dead serious._ _ _

___-Are you going to tell him?- Rhaast mocked._ _ _

___-Never- Kayn hissed._ _ _

___Zed watched as Kayn hissed at the glowing red scythe._ _ _

___"Tell me, my patients is wearing thin" The anger in Zeds head voiced itself as a command for the youth._ _ _

___"To surpass you, that is all"._ _ _

___-Lies- rhaast spoke aloud for once._ _ _

___" silence " Kayn shouted at the now laughing scythe._ _ _

___"No, please, tell me what's going on here" Zed said to both the Kayn and the scythe._ _ _

___-You see- rhaast started._ _ _

___"Shut it" This time Kayn growled._ _ _

___Both Zed and the scythe were taken aback by this gesture._ _ _

___"Leave" Kayn hissed at Zed and Zed did, he was left with a bitter feeling that resides within Kayn._ _ _

___He knew there was trouble stirring but he just didn't know what kind and this troubled him more._ _ _

___Kayn threw his scythe on the floor._ _ _

___"You have crossed me for the last time, Darkin" he fumed._ _ _

___-What are going to-._ _ _

___"Silence" Kayn yelled._ _ _

___Kayn had enough of the Darkin scythe for the day as he laid down on his bed._ _ _

___"What am I to do" he hissed as he found him self drifting into a deep sleep._ _ _

___-Dream-._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this ship, I want this to happen BC omfg its cute. Pls kudos <3


	3. The gap between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building bonds is harder then breaking them, careful steps at a time ensures that time can truly heal almost all the wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys, I'm just sitting here wondering if I have any supporters out there, I mean there is better but your support is still wanted here <3

The darkin scythe, the weapon of dreams, claimed by a child who forged his name into his order by force, the power that the common assassin lacked, kayn had, with his hands and alone he climbed the ranks, earning his now feared title and his place next to his master.

To Kayn, the title he had claimed meant nothing but _recognition _, recognition well worth his very own life, Zeds.__

__The shadows that consumed the order now stirred the air in the sacred temple, which had once belonged to Kusho himself, until his death, which was delivered by Zed, his very own student as a symbol of power and also a symbol of Zed's fear._ _

__To Zed, kayn had the eyes of a merciless and relentless killer, he had no fear and overwhelming endurance, no matter the threat, Kayn never cowers like the rest, truly a warrior, the reason Zed held high regards for Kayn but also a great deal of fear, the other students? they meant nothing to the likes of Kayn and Zed, to the whole order itself, they were afraid, cowards, Kayn hated cowards the most._ _

__The mornings amongst the order always rendered Zed disappointed, everyone but Kayn lacked what it took to be a killer, well, a good killer, Zed was well aware of this but he would never act on it personally, he held a very, VERY low regard for the rest of his students._ _

__The students in the order attended there daily training, which Zed, Shen and even Kayn had been threw, those who managed to complete it had to accept Zeds darkness and if they didn't they were banished or killed._ _

__Every now and then other boys in the Shadow Order tried to befriend Kayn, hoping he would help them or train them in anyway or they would somehow get closer to Zed but Kayn wasn't one for friends, Kayn would rather practice alone, without judgmental eyes labeling him as the 'favorite' but the other acults never dared to challenge Kayn, he was ruthless and mean ad he didn't care for their well being, only his own or his masters._ _

__Due to the encounter with his master the other day, Kayn wasn't feeling well minded, the scythe had almost got the best of him._ _

__"Curse you, you damed _darkin _" the sentance roled of his tongue in a vial tone, practically hissing it.___ _

____-Not my fault you let yourself have such a _grave _weakness- the darken retorted, snorting at him.___ _ _ _

______Kayn merely tsked, his disliked the words of the darkin, weather they were true or not but the fact that they were true this time just fueled his disliking towards the Darkin even more but rhaast wasn't dumb, Kayns feelings left him vunrable, his dreams, his nightmares, he sees them all, he watches as the youth drowns in the blood of his lost family and his love for his master, always with the one sentence "I forgive you, Master" humans really were pathetic._ _____

__Angered, Zed let the bitter taste of defeat lingure on his tongue, it was unlike the youth to even dare to raise his voice let alone command his own master._ _

__-Absurd- Zed hissed to himself, he had let the situation take control of him, listening when Kayn had ordered him to leave._ _

__-Disgraceful- he could taste the feavered anger._ _

__-You can only blame yourself- there was truth in that thought, it wasnt Kayns fault he decided to listen._ _

__Dreams, no, nightmares, Kayn tossed in his sleep once again, his breath hitched as he felt the icy lake filled with the blood of his beloved families blood touch his skin, his father just laid there, facing away from him and his mother? her eyes, only fear filled those beautiful lifeless orbs as Zed struck her dead on the spot, he should have died that day but he fought for his life and managed to make it into his now lifeless house where he thought he could stay alone and safe but Zed wasn't oblivious to his whereabouts, he waited till the youth believed he was safe to strike but he couldn't bring himself to do it, the kid was strong, it would be a waste of talent but Kayn would rather have died where he belonged then go with this masked murderer, its quite pitiful now, the man who stole everything from him, he now worshiped like a god, he bowed and obeyed their every command, he truly was pathetic.__

__Kayn woke before dawn, his head, it burned again, the nightmares never seemed to cease, there was no such thing as a goodnights sleep for Kayn, he was distorted, his mind tortured him, rhaast tortured him, his need for sleep worsened, he felt weak, dreams like that to a tool on him physically, draining all the fight he had in him, he had to meditate with the darkin at bay or at least occupied just to regain his strength._ _

The days in the order were like shackles that bound him, his only form of freedom was special mission assigned from Zed himself, those mission lead him to different countries but Zed didn't have the guts to send him to Noxus.

The blood still boiled with in him, Zed knew it was there, why wasn't it showing himself, sure Kayn had lost his temper with Zed for some unknown reason but its not like that wasn't to be expected, Kayn was at his final years of youth so rebellion was quite likely but that wasn't the issue, when, just when would it surface, months? days? years? WHEN? the thought alone was driving Zed mad, maybe Kayn didn't intend to surpass him, maybe he had lied but what then? the thoughts lingered in Zeds head. 

-Calm, he is merely of age to rebel- Zed remembered when Kusho first had the talk with him about rebelling and _other _stuff, yeah, he'd rather not but he did have to do the same to Kayn which involved a lot of snickering from the youth due to Zed's very uncanny seriousness about the topic.__

____

____

-Just relax, it will all be over soon- he thought trying to stable his sinking mined. 

-But what if this is merely the start?-.

At this time, Kayn was very unconcerned with puberty, altho he did have his fun at the local bar when ever there was a cute girl but that wasn't really his thing, he was only 19, nearing the end of his youth but he would rather spend it training with his master, then meeting cute girls. 

-How incompetent- he thought to himself as some of his fellow acults, displayed their _trading _magazines before asking if he, himself would like one.__

__"I don't talk to scum" he hissed, taking his leave, seeping into the orders walls, he hated the scum in this place he called his home but he had to put up with them._ _

__Sure Kayn slept around but he knew Zed did to, he heard it, her voice, his voice, in that state, the state he only dreamed of hearing Zed in, grunting or growling and very rarely moaning lowly, for this he envied her but he never dared to face her, the silver haired women that stood in his way as well as Zed's pride, she would come every now and then, she was useless cook, a useless trainer and a useless fight when it came to hand to hand combat, that was what Kayn told himself to help him believe she was only for pleasure but he knew it must have been lies, there was no way that was true, Zed would never say I love you to anyone accept those he _truly _loved._ _ __

__

__

She hadn't been around for awhile but that didn't bother Kayn or Zed for some reason, he seemed calm and contempt with it even though they were lovers, maybe they had fought or maybe she was busy but none of that mattered to the reaper, he loved Zed but he could never bring himself to say it, Zed had to much pride and a lover, there was nothing he could do but only hope for the best outcome, which he doubted would happen but even soo as long as he got to stay by Zeds side, none of it matter, he was where he believed he belonged. 

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are ganna get longer

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if you would like me to continue this <3 with a comment or a like, thank you <3


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